Why do we raise our voice & begin to yell at people when we argue?
Have you thought about it? I have done that in the past. I have been yelled at, aswell.
Till early 30s, I was a type of person who automatically increased my voice so that I can create a situation in which I become the dominant speaker?
I never realised in that process I damaged my ability to be a better communicator & secure cooperation.
We know that people telegraph their needs and feelings, whether they are aware of it or not.
Probably over half of the meaning that others attach to our spoken message comes, not from the words themselves, but from the tone of voice complimented with body language
I understood that yelling is a sign of aggression. Raising our voice creates stress and tension that often escalates into an argument.
The louder the voice, the higher the intensity of anger that is created.
The feeling conveyed in our voice makes more impact and is remembered longer than the words actually spoken.
That’s why we can’t always recall the exact words spoken, but clearly remember how we felt. The tone (its pitch, volume & clarity) all combine to give a listener clues about the way the message needs to be interpreted, conveying our mood & meaning of our statement.
We get loud to force the other person into submission and listen to what we have to say.
However listening rarely occurs during a submissive state. Rather the ‘listener’ is waiting for the speaker to pause, in order to lash out with a rebuttal to defend against this verbal attack.
It is important that we regulate our voice to a volume or tone that does not imply aggressive behaviors or dominance over the other person.
I would like to share a story that helped me to understand about anger and its mangement.
A Guru with his disciples were visiting the Ganges river, where they found a group of family members on the banks shouting in anger at each other.
One of the disciples asked why do people shout when they’re angry even though they were in closer proximity.
Guru calmly explained, “When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other.”
Get closer with your loved ones.
Hari Balaji VR